TIPS 49-51: Spontaneous Sits, Mindful Chewing, and Impatience

MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip # 49: Somewhere between a formal, scheduled, and timed sit in a dedicated space and the moment-to-moment mindfulness practice of daily life, there is sometimes the opportunity for what I like to call a "Spontaneous Supervisory Sit." This opportunity takes place during one of those magical moments when your child or children are playing in a safe setting over an extended period of time, and your only job is to be with them and supervise. You can sit on a bench or cross-legged on a makeshift towel and mind your children and your mind with total presence. Just remember to keep your eyes open.

MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #50: As I stood in front of the kitchen sink wolfing down handfuls of spinach tortellinis because between feeding the family and the animals and cleaning up and helping the kids with homework and picking up not-yet-housetrained puppy poop there was never any time to actually sit down and have a meal for myself, I realized that I was not eating mindfully. So I attempted to slow down each chew and carefully experience the sensation of the experience while leaning over the dish-filled sink. By the third chomp, with the dryer buzzing and the TV suddenly turned up the theme song to Scooby Doo at max volume in the background, olive oil dribbling down my chin in a desperate attempt to nourish and work hard at being mindful, son shouting "Mooooom!" -- I became distinctly aware that the whole scene was distinctly hilarious. Belly-bustingly, life-livingly funny, and the laughter that ensued was a cathartic testament that THIS, ultimately, sums this practice up in one, messy, loud, olive-oil basted, Scooby-Doo soundtracked, moment.

MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #51: One of the interesting things to be attentive to in meditation, parenting, and life in general, is impatience. In meditation, you often see impatience in two forms: impatience within the practice itself, and impatience about the practice. An example of the former type is when you are immersed in your sit but frustrated with its progress, i.e.: "When will my mind shut up? It's been almost an hour and I want to get beyond this, but I am almost out of time! I need to count my breaths...no, that's not working...what can I do? It wasn’t like this yesterday; this shouldn’t be happening!” Etc. An example of the latter type is when you are on the cushion for all of 5 minutes but both your mind and body want to be done already and off to the day's doings, and your whole practice is spent using all of your focus and concentration to not get up until your established sitting time is over.

In parenting, we have the same two forms. An example of the former type, impatience within parenting, is when you just want your child to move faster, either physically, emotionally, academically, etc., rather than settling into wherever he/she happens to be for however long he/she needs to be there. I.e.: “Why isn’t she remembering how to do long division? Yesterday we were doing long division with decimals! Now it’s like we never did it! This is driving me crazy! She needs to be ready for algebra if she wants to get into a good college prep high school!” Or…”How long is it going to take to walk one block? I just want to get there! Why won’t he move a little faster? Yesterday I couldn’t get him to slow down!” It is usually in proportion to a parent’s state of personal uptightness or stress, which can compound itself brilliantly with the parent wishing they had time to meditate to alleviate that stress.

That leads us perfectly to an example of the second type: impatience about parenting, which happens when you are there with your child physically but really want to be doing something else—working on your poetry, working out, cleaning the house without disruption, meditating—and it takes all of your focus and concentration to simply try to stay present with being with the needs of your child. For all cases of impatience, and in all applications, the approach is the same. Just notice that you have it, give love to yourself and your impatient state, and gently be with it. It will take…patience…but it will pass much more quickly than if you go the “instant gratification” route and act on it by jumping off the cushion too soon or giving in to your uptight impulses with your child, rather than simply watching the impulses, noticing them and feeling them, unpleasant as those feelings are. Eventually, it will go away if you don’t hold on to it. And then it will come back. And then it will go away. And you won’t be stuck in any of it.