Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Tips 41-45: We Are All Parents, Cosmic Energy, Busy-ness, Worry, and Deep Peace
MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #41: We are all the Divine Mother and Father. Even if you don't have physical children--i.e. short growing beings (4-leggeds included) living with you for an extended period of time--your life and work are, as Zen Master Teacher Valerie Forstman so beautifully describes--your "beloved children." Embrace each element of your life with the fire of love and the song that one sings for the beloved.
MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #42: The "meditative state" is described as being reached when one sits through the watching of thoughts and noticing of sensations until, ultimately, thoughts and sensations are minimized and one is in stillness and fully in the present moment. It is in this state that one can receive the very powerful sustenance of "cosmic energy." Not all sits lead to the meditative state, and being in witness is enough. But some sits do reach that state, and the impact of cosmic energy is noticeable. Parenting can be like that, too--most of the time, while you are playing with your child and being a good parent, you are also planning dinner, thinking about work, and organizing the many details of life in your head. But sometimes, your brain shuts up and you are actually, fully, PLAYING with your kid and having the time of your life acting like a Power Ranger or kicking a ball. Embrace yourself at those times. Then open your chakras and let the cosmic energy flow in, baby. It may not happen all the time, but when it does, that cosmic energy is some powerful stuff, and you need not be sitting on a cushion to receive it!
MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #43: When my kids were born, my guru, aka my mom, told me that I was entering "the busy stage of life." And Oy, was she right. And Oy, do we parents love to talk with each other about the busy-ness of it all. But, as we continue our meditation practice to create space in our experience of life, so too can there be space in the busy-ness. The amount of things that need to be tended to might not change, but our whole approach to it can change drastically, starting with an acknowledgement that our attachment to the busy-ness might be causing suffering. How? By thinking about the state of busy-ness all the time. My guru (mom) always gave this bit of advice: "Saunter." Commiserate less, experience more. Off now to saunter to my desk, then to two meetings, then chores, then car repair (again), then picking up kids, then piano practice, then redirecting my sons new obsession with the word "poop," then dealing with fatigue and runny noses, then homework, then cooking...then counting some stars and breathing in some cinnamon tea. One glorious busy-but-not-busy moment at a time.
MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #44: Parenting can put you in a constant state of urgency, usually due to the fast pace of taking care of soooo many little things all day long. When you are beginning to panic because you forgot to cut the organic carrots in cute little circles instead of the long, skinny way, which is how your son used to like it but now he likes the circles, it is time to make some time for meditation. At best, meditation puts everything into a healthy perspective. At the very least, you begin to watch how silly your mind sounds worrying as much about the shape of your kid's baby carrots as it does on world issues, creating peace, and saving the planet.
MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #45: At a recent talk, "Untethered Soul" author/spiritual teacher Mickey Singer spoke of the spiritual path as leading to "The peace that passeth all understanding." This passething thing I totally get. It is understandable that it is hard to feel peace when your 3 your old is throwing a tantrum about being offered a carob bar and not being able to have a Kit Kat while forty-two people at the health food store are watching and going tsk-tsk. It is understandable that you feel at a loss to explain to your devastated tween daughter why Orangutans might be going extinct in ten years thanks to spoiled human logging. But once you have had a glimpse of the deep stillness beneath the storm of everyday life, you begin to realize with awe that eventually, even catastrophe will not ruffle you. You parent. You experience. You breathe. You love. You cry. It is beyond superficial, mind-based understanding, but who cares? There's nothing at all to figure out, because for some reason, when you reach this state, your son begins to like chemical-free chocolate, and the Orangutans have a real chance, and the tears flowing from your childrens' eyes are from their open loving hearts instead of frustration.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Tips 36-39: Housework, Healing, Nonviolence, and Sippy Cup Meditation
MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #36: In "Autobiographyy of a Yogi," after Paramahansa Yogananda
attains supreme enlightenment, transcendentally flying through the air
and seeing and knowing all, his master greets him on his return with a
broom and a smile and asks him to sweep the floor. In Zen, this is
called "Chop Wood, Carry Water." So if you think you can't be on the
path because you have too many chores to do, guess again--even the
masters couldn't be absolved from household duties. In fact, household
duties are sort of the point.
MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DAD, Tip #37: It is very good to catch your son's cold. It is especially good for it to turn into a very bad case of bronchitis and send you to the doctor for antibiotics. Why? Because people like me rebel against the knock-down, especially after I am convinced that by being on this path I can use all kinds of positive healing affirmations and visualizations of healing light and natural remedies from the garden and breathing and yoga and not need "evil antibiotics." Because I know that this sickness and the immediate need for antibiotics indicates a much greater, life-oriented need to turn inward and really pay attention to a much more long-term healing that beckons for a less "go go go" attitude and lifestyle, that allows for imperfection, softness, slowness. That being manically proactive for natural remedies was just another form of "go go go" with a holistic label. To finally go to the doctor was to totally surrender to what I would have once perceived as defeat. It was humbling. And maybe that is what is finally causing the healing, more than the antibiotics.
MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #38: While there are many, multi-faceted and much-numbered principles in Zen, the Dalai Lama bases his teachings on two foundational principles: 1) the interdependent nature of reality, and 2) do no harm/non-violence. That means, as a parent, while you would never harm your child, you must never beat yourself up (literally or figuratively), either.
MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #39: While you may have created a lovely sitting area with zafu/zabuton cushions and a small shrine with a Buddha and a bamboo on it (and maybe some little crystals with a mala bead necklace going around the whole thing) you may never get there some mornings--like when your small child calls out for you to bring him a yogurt drink in a sippy cup and just lie down with him for awhile. These shrine-and-cushion-free mornings do not sacrifice your meditation time. Lying there in the warm darkness of pre-dawn is a perfect time to "sit," whether by counting your breaths, counting his sippy cup slurps, working on a koan, or simply doing shikantaza, aka "just sitting (lying/walking/jumping/
MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DAD, Tip #37: It is very good to catch your son's cold. It is especially good for it to turn into a very bad case of bronchitis and send you to the doctor for antibiotics. Why? Because people like me rebel against the knock-down, especially after I am convinced that by being on this path I can use all kinds of positive healing affirmations and visualizations of healing light and natural remedies from the garden and breathing and yoga and not need "evil antibiotics." Because I know that this sickness and the immediate need for antibiotics indicates a much greater, life-oriented need to turn inward and really pay attention to a much more long-term healing that beckons for a less "go go go" attitude and lifestyle, that allows for imperfection, softness, slowness. That being manically proactive for natural remedies was just another form of "go go go" with a holistic label. To finally go to the doctor was to totally surrender to what I would have once perceived as defeat. It was humbling. And maybe that is what is finally causing the healing, more than the antibiotics.
MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #38: While there are many, multi-faceted and much-numbered principles in Zen, the Dalai Lama bases his teachings on two foundational principles: 1) the interdependent nature of reality, and 2) do no harm/non-violence. That means, as a parent, while you would never harm your child, you must never beat yourself up (literally or figuratively), either.
MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #39: While you may have created a lovely sitting area with zafu/zabuton cushions and a small shrine with a Buddha and a bamboo on it (and maybe some little crystals with a mala bead necklace going around the whole thing) you may never get there some mornings--like when your small child calls out for you to bring him a yogurt drink in a sippy cup and just lie down with him for awhile. These shrine-and-cushion-free mornings do not sacrifice your meditation time. Lying there in the warm darkness of pre-dawn is a perfect time to "sit," whether by counting your breaths, counting his sippy cup slurps, working on a koan, or simply doing shikantaza, aka "just sitting (lying/walking/jumping/
THE FOUR NOBLE TRUTHS--of Parenting and the Path
MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #40: The Buddha laid out what are called the Four Noble Truths, and they are considered the foundation for this path. Here they are, simplified and modified for moms and dads:
1) With the considerable demands of parenting, there will times when you really feel suffering. And oy, when you really feel it, does the rest of the family feel it too.
2)The reason we suffer is usually because we have really high expectations of ourselves as parents and the world and people around us, and with expectations not being met (i.e we get sick--not supposed to happen! Our child misbehaves--not supposed to happen! I can't finish all my work in time--not supposed to happen! I am not a perfect mom/meditator as I see what perfect is supposed to be--not supposed to happen!), and with our constant efforts to mold ourselves and the world around us so they can be met, comes predictable disappointment, fatigue, heartache, etc., aka suffering.
3)There is a way to end this cycle of suffering. The whole world benefits from this "Way." You do not have go to any extremes like leaving your family to go on a lifelong pilgrimage to the Himalayas or live as an ascetic in the woods and eat oak leaves for 12 years, nor is the way to win the lottery and have all worldly needs compensated for (although occasional pedicures are really nice). It is often called "The Middle Way."
4) The Middle Way involves concerted daily focus on right choices, as defined in the Eightfold Path, and is worth studying, but ultimately it is your very clear intention to end suffering and the daily action of sending love to yourself and to others, as well as meditation, that will set you -- and those around you -- free. Enjoy, or at least notice and fully experience, every moment.
1) With the considerable demands of parenting, there will times when you really feel suffering. And oy, when you really feel it, does the rest of the family feel it too.
2)The reason we suffer is usually because we have really high expectations of ourselves as parents and the world and people around us, and with expectations not being met (i.e we get sick--not supposed to happen! Our child misbehaves--not supposed to happen! I can't finish all my work in time--not supposed to happen! I am not a perfect mom/meditator as I see what perfect is supposed to be--not supposed to happen!), and with our constant efforts to mold ourselves and the world around us so they can be met, comes predictable disappointment, fatigue, heartache, etc., aka suffering.
3)There is a way to end this cycle of suffering. The whole world benefits from this "Way." You do not have go to any extremes like leaving your family to go on a lifelong pilgrimage to the Himalayas or live as an ascetic in the woods and eat oak leaves for 12 years, nor is the way to win the lottery and have all worldly needs compensated for (although occasional pedicures are really nice). It is often called "The Middle Way."
4) The Middle Way involves concerted daily focus on right choices, as defined in the Eightfold Path, and is worth studying, but ultimately it is your very clear intention to end suffering and the daily action of sending love to yourself and to others, as well as meditation, that will set you -- and those around you -- free. Enjoy, or at least notice and fully experience, every moment.
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