TIPS 57-60: PERSPECTIVE, THE QUIET GAME, UNGLAMOROUS SPIRITUALITY, AND WRINKLES

MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, TIP #57: Meditation and many other spiritual practices place much emphasis on the present moment. But in parenting, it sometimes serves up to visit the past and future in order to gain perspective on, and fully embrace, the present. Take my 4-year old today. We homeschool, so are pretty much in each others' company 24/7. Most of the time, we get into a groove and its just wonderful. But today, he was overtired and acting very toddler-ish, and I was about at my wit's end. I gave both of us time outs, during which time I quickly remembered that these "toddler moments" were a regular thing not so long ago, that I didn't even have the luxury of getting tasks done quickly, having time to myself or even taking a bath like I enjoy regularly now, and that by next year he will be so much more grown that what seems like an infernal eternity right now will soon be a memory, never again to be experienced between us. By the time our time outs were over, the present moment never seemed sweeter.

MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #58: Modern day parents are given the advice that to boost your child's brain power, phonetic awareness, communication skills, early comprehension abilities, and more, that you should start talking to your child constantly pretty much from birth. Trying to be the best mom ever, I took this advice to heart and began a narrative of every moment with both of my babies, beginning prenatally. Sure enough, and just as the experts portrayed, both of my kids have excellent comprehension and communication skills. In fact, none of us ever shut up. We have become a house of yakkity-yaks, saying things like "bum pity bump" when we drive over a bump, expressing every experience, thought, emotion in painful detail. In 20/20 hindsight, I realize that if I had to do it over again, I would devote equal amounts of time to the miracle and magic of silence. We now allow ourselves, and with some effort, to be just quiet. We actively resist the temptation to say--anything. We started by calling it the Quiet Game, but now, with just a few glimpses of the peace and Universe connection, without the distraction of narrative, my kids and I are starting to go there on our own, without giving it a label like Quiet Game or Meditation Time. The experts love to talk about the importance of communication, but through silence we have discovered a communication with Truth that is much, much deeper and more profound, that supercedes developmental benchmarks, time, space, and labels.  

MEDITATION TIPS FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #59: It is relatively easy to be "spiritual" around friends and acquaintances. It is relatively easy to apply the practices of noticing your emotions and thoughts, for example, as you relate to them, remain in a centered space, and then go somewhere else to meditate or let go further as needed, etc. It is entirely another thing to be "spiritual" when your kids are sick with the flu, your husband is in a bad mood, and you haven't slept for four days. Even if you "act spiritual," they'll knock that act down in about two seconds. But if you allow yourself to be soaked in every last unglamorous bit of it--boogers, nerves, and all--then the Divine Mother will hold you securely. 

 MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #60: My father's face was deeply etched with lines and they were, for the most part, the happiest lines you've ever seen: upturned smiling crow's feet, expressively aware forehead lines, carefree dimples. There was one clear furrow between his eyes, though, revealing that serious part--the concentration and focus of a scientist, the deep thinking, and the internal demons. For the first time, I am seeing the same pattern of lines beginning to imprint permanently on my own face that so resembles his. And just like his, I adore the happy lines but would gladly botox the invasive brow furrow away, for it is the one stinker that indicates that I have had more than a few moments in a less-than-la-la state of being. During meditation, one often experiences great releases in the face: the jaw, the forehead, the eyebrows, the temples. I have watched more than a few parents, in deep relationship with their children, with faces squinched up in concentration, frustration, debilitation, and have started to become mindful of my own. The amount of tension stored in my face is mind-boggling. It even tenses up when I am wrapped up in a yoga pose meant to release something else like the hips or upper back. To be mindful of the face is cathartic. Not because it might stave off those pesky wrinkles--"face" it; they're here to stay!--but to achieve a deeper sense of awareness and relation with yourself in the present moment. It has become an integral part of my meditation, not only on the mat but now, especially, during the day-to-day mundanities, joys, and frustrations of parenting.

TIPS 52-56: GRACE OF NATURE, SAYING NO, STAR WARS, TANTRUMS, AND GETTING SICK

MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #52: Outside in the forest, and deep in the ocean, is a daily battle of life and death, competition for food and light, exposure to sun, wind, storms, currents, hurricanes, and more. And yet, we seek the forest and the sea for their deep tranquility. We leave our burdened lives to find refuge in these places, and yet on most days, for most of us lucky folks, our burdens do not include struggles for life, death, food, light, or natural disasters. Our struggles are simply for balance and clarity, financial freedom, a fulfilling job, a great family or love life, happiness, etc. So why, in the light of our relative struggles, are the deep wild places our source of refuge and seeking? Because the trees, no matter their circumstances, surrender and give their whole existence to the Universe. The fan corals, waving in the currents, are completely at ease with the flow. We go to them because they are enlightenment, embodied, with no mind to get in the way.

MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #53: Say no.  Don't do a lot of extra stuff, or fall  into doership without clarity of purpose and space.  The more I take off my life's plate, the more I appreciate the actual design on the plate itself, which I haven't seen for a good while...

MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, TIP #54: Want your kids to begin to understand the concepts of prana, aka chi, and the importance of focus, concentration, and intention? Watch "The Empire Strikes Back" with particular emphasis on Luke Skywalker's training with Yoda. Let your child become obsessed with lightsabers and Stormtroopers or whatever it takes to "hook" them--and discuss Yoda's teachings frequently. I remember, at the age of 11, only wanting to be one with the Force. Not much has changed. Yoda is my first Buddha.

MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, TIP #55: At a recent talk at the Temple of 
 The Universe, spiritual teacher and The Untethered Soul author Mickey Singer likened the tantrums of a young child not getting what he/she wants to the tantrums of the ego when not being fed what it wishes. His techniques, and the technique of meditation, instruct seekers to simply relax and let the ego's tantrum pass and not get engaged with it, just as you would with your child. But we parents get a double whammy when our child has a tantrum in a public place, because often the judgemental or concerned stares of others raises the hackles of your own ego, viz: "This isn't happening to me! They must think I am a horrible parent!" Etc. This is exactly why parenting is an intensive and awesome spiritual practice. It is one of the few life experiences that requires "multitasking" even in your meditation approach, but if you are willing, you can accomplish great feats of awakening by simply viewing these moments, in all of their discomfort, as huge opportunities for letting go, opening and awareness.

MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #56: When you get sick, even the most experienced meditators can feel challenged in their ability to be present and peaceful with what "is." Meditation teaches us to "unstick" ourselves from the whirlwind of life, to be present to all that is happening without becoming lost in it. But when parents become sick, it easy to feel as if our whole world is unraveling, since so many others are directly dependent on our well-being. How to maintain a meditation practice and find center? Practice the ancient arts of patience and letting go of your need to be a constant caregiver. Patience in that despite the fact that you feel like ka-ka doing the things that MUST be done, like changing the diapers and feeding your kids, you will eventually feel better. Letting go in that maybe, just maybe, your kids will be okay for a day or five if they have a little more TV or frozen dinners than you would allow in your normal state. And, your kids might just surprise you and benefit from being loosened up a bit from your control. When I was sick recently, my 9-year old learned how to cook and load the dishwasher quite on her own.  With my safety paranoia, had it not been for illness, the poor girl might have had to wait until she was twelve before I allowed her that kind of important personal growth.