A few years ago, when I was well into a solid meditation practice and had begun my yoga teacher training, I was invited to a week-long sesshin (extended meditation practice) at a prominent Zen Center. My daughter was four and I was pregnant with my son, and as the sesshin was during a time that my son would be a newborn, I was unable to attend. Via telephone interview, an esteemed Zen master told me it would be at least ten years before I could get back to a formal, established Zen meditation practice. I found this to be unacceptable--if this path is right here, right now--if the True Self is within and instantly accessible, what is all this waiting for my kids to get bigger business? And wouldn't the practice be essential for evolving mindfulness during the experience of parenting, as well as support the development of mindful children? If we are to effect compassion and lovingkindness in this world, parents need a way to maintain a dedicated meditation practice.
If you are reading this, it is likely that you too are smack in the middle of what is commonly called the "Householder" phase of life---a busy, busy, busy time largely consumed with caretaking, peanut butter sandwiches, a softening mid-line, a sagging bottom-line, sleep deprivation, house and vehicle maintenance, and work. It is the post-power Yogi/Zen student, pre-retired retreat attendee/Zen master phase, and is often dismissed in the Spiritual Seeker world but for some token yoga classes at the gym. While meditation groups are available, there is almost never child care, and it is hard to justify paying a babysitter $60/week to simply sit with a bunch of people. You try to do it yourself. Whenever and wherever you can. And it's almost impossible...certainly not anything like what the "old you" was capable of. In fact, many great gurus, masters, artists, scientists and other mad geniuses either forego or give up on this whole Householder phase entirely. And yet, in us, the yearning exists, as it should, for the siren song of Spirit is irresistible.
Look at the definition of "Householder" as it stands: you are alive and you live in a house. For 98% of the world, that is in itself a miraculous gift. The house has electricity when you pay the bill, a roof that usually doesn't leak too much, and enough space for all of your stuff. And you have stuff. Sometimes way too much stuff. And you go to the grocery store and buy food. Lots and lots of food. And you might have a garden to grow more food. And you go to other stores to buy clothes and Cuisinarts. And you have kids, and they are probably alive and hopefully healthy, and if they are not, you have lots of resources to help you through. And you may or may not have a partner to help you take care of them and all of your stuff. I can think of about 3 billion people who would give anything for the "Householder" scenario, and there was a time, before this scenario, that you probably would have given anything for it as well. So, there is absolutely no reason a Householder should not be an intent Spiritual Seeker, because any Householder in his or her right mind is full of Gratitude. Gratitude is one of the most basic tenets of Sprituality.
Therefore, stubbornly, with two active, smallish children and two jobs and a house and a husband, I have refused to give up my very earnest and devoted meditation and yoga practice. However, I have discovered that it did need to be modified, and with a good dose of humor. Talk about the ultimate lesson in non-attachment, as the traditional ways of Zen meditation and spiritual seeking sometimes just don't sync with the "householder" scenario. Hence, this book--tried and true tips for all moms, dads, caregivers--stay on the path, and have fun!
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