Tips 16-20: Martyrdom, Sitting Space, Hormones, Doer-Ship, and Spider-Man

MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, "Just Do It" Tip #16: Proactive parents are notorious martyrs. We spend most of the hours in each day, most days of each week, and most weeks of each month making sure our kids are eating vegetables and avoiding trans fats, artificial colors and high fructose corn syrup, getting enough sleep, brushing their hair and teeth, dressing in clothes that are neat or at least moderately clean, making sure they read and learn, etc. all the while neglecting our own personal nutrition, fitness, appearance, and educational interests. My mother, Deborah Townsend was keenly aware of this double standard and had a hilarious saying: "Do as I say and not as I do!" And yet, we loved it most when she did take care of herself. It is most ironic that the one thing a parent can do that helps everyone in the family--meditation--is often at the bottom rung of the personal parental priority list, somewhere between painting toenails and going salsa dancing. In approximately the time it takes to fold a hamper of bath towels, one can accomplish a decent sit. The household will thank you for it, and it's way better to assign crumpled up towels as martyrs than yourself.

MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #17: It is helpful to have an established sitting space, dedicated just to meditation. We have taken this idea to the extreme and are consructing a temple (www.gainesvilleretreatcenter.com). However, in the meantime, my sitting area is a part of the living room with a small table with a Buddha, mala beads, and small bamboo on it, with a zafu cushion within easy reach. The family honors that are to be no toys, Cheez-Its, or wipeys, DVD's, etc. anywhere near this small sanctuary, and it works.

MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #18: There are many words for it: PMS, perimenopause, male PMS, testosterone overload, menopause, male menopause, hormone imbalance, elevated pregnancy hormones, etc. to explain the erratic, over-emotive, and sometimes overwhelming behavior that all human beings display at one time or another. It can feel like these invasive biochemicals are swallowing you whole. But there is part of you NOTICING that you are feeling overwhelmed and over-emotive and at the mercy of this ancient biological force. So the next time you break out into tears because a TV commercial for life insurance shows a child, now grown, kissing his mother goodbye as he goes off to college, with a cheesy bellowing violin and keyboard track intensifying the unbearable experience, just take a moment through that experience and ask yourself: who's feeling? Then, by all means, bawl your eyes out, with no reservation or judgement or conservation of tissues. This is meditation in motion.

 MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #19: On "Doer-ship": If there is food in front of us, we do eating. If there are dirty dishes or laundry in front of us, we do washing. If there is a book in front of us, we do reading. If our children are in front of us, we do parenting. If there is a floor/cushion/chair in front of us, we do meditation.

 MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR MOMS AND DADS, Tip #19: On "Doer-ship": If there is food in front of us, we do eating. If there are dirty dishes or laundry in front of us, we do washing. If there is a book in front of us, we do reading. If our children are in front of us, we do parenting. If there is a floor/cushion/chair in front of us, we do meditation.